At the Well - The Honourable Marriage

Dear Diary,

Today is At the Well Monday, a meme hosted by Chelsey of Joyfully Living for His Glory. The topic today is Marriage.

Colin and I have been married about 2.5 years (August 28, 2006) so we don't have a ton of experience but both of us have examples of good marriages in our families. However even though we are newly married (not newlyweds, that's only the first year) we have had our share of trying times and many happy times as well. We have learned what it means to be a husband and wife to each other. We are not perfect, nobody is, but we are doing best to be each others (2nd) best friend by following the biblical teachings of marriage.

The topic questions this week that I will be addressing from my perspective are as follows:

What does commitment in marriage mean?
What kind of wife are we called to be to our husbands?
What are ways that we can Biblically stand for our marriage?

I read somewhere that Christian marriages tend to be "better", that is, they result in fewer divorces. Is it because faith in God makes it easy and the husband and wife have the manual to a perfect marriage given to them? There is no perfect marriage but there is the Bible and everything we need to know about how to have a good, strong marriage is in the Bible. I have learned that marriage is hard work whether you're a Christian or not, but knowing what God expects of our marriage makes it easier.

At our wedding, Colin and I made vows to each other. Our marriage vows were not just another part of the ceremony for our family and friends who attended or a tradition but were made from the heart because they were made to each other and more importantly to God. The commitment we made to each other requires integrity, trust and love. It doesn't come with stipulations or conditions it was made to death do us part, in goodness and health. We are commited to each other forever.

For those who don't know us, before we were married, Colin and I were living long distance, like really long distance. I was in Canada and Colin in Northern Ireland. We trusted each other and were commited to each other. If we couldn't trust each other then, I believe our marriage would've been impossible but never for a moment did I ever doubt him because I knew his believes were biblically grounded. For reasons such as a longing to be together in the same place at the same time etc., our pre-relationship was already hard work and our situation gave us good bones for a good marriage. We took the skills we learned into our marriage. (I know it sounds a bit like a job interview!).

Our vows are promises made before God. To honour God includes honouring our vows despite how difficult it can be. We deal with each others weaknesses and sinful nature everyday. I know Colin gets fed with me sometimes (I tend to be inpatients but I'm working on it) and I get fed up with him being so messy and never putting anything away!!! BUT this is not a good enough reason to throw in the towel. Marriage is for life and our lack of self control must be reigned in and controlled through prayer or if the need be in worse situations, counselling. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder!

I made the vow to OBEY and be submissive to my husband - not common today but a direct command of God. My commitment to obey includes to respect Colin's position as head of the family and to be loyal to him. This is not a joke, I believe it.

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Eph. 5:22, 23, 24
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.

1 Peter 3:1
In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands, even those who refuse to accept the Good News. Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words. They will be won over by watching your pure, godly behavior.
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We each have our own God given roles and the husband is responsible for loving his wife and being a leader within the family. This is a role not to be abused, it is not honourable to God to abuse this command. The command to be submissive is taken out of context in this day and age. Women are not second class citizens. Husband and wives have different yet compliamentary roles in the family and are equal in the kingdom of heaven.

So how can wives biblically stand up for their marriages?

1. By making the effort. Marriages don't just happen by chance.

2. By staying away from temptation and acquaintances that may rise to temptation. Don't put yourself in a potentially bad situation.

3. If a marriage is tainted by the lack of self-control or abuse (or any other reason) acknowledge the situation. Professional help by christian counsellors may be necessary. There is no shame in that but more importantly, pray for healing and perseverence. God can change dishonourable and sinful behaviours staining the marriage into what is right.

4. Take time together to communicate, discuss and pray together. You can't have a discussion by yourself, both parties must converse together by listening and talking.

This post has been a great opportunity to think about my own vows and what it means to be part of a Christian marriage.

Thank you Chelsey for encouraging me to pray and meditate on the important task as mother and wife. I certainly pray that my marriage will be an example to my daughter if she were to marry one day.